Embracing My Nobody Era
Yet in my flesh I shall see God (Job 19:26)
I came across this quote while scrolling my Instagram feed this past week:
Moses spent 40 years thinking he was a somebody; 40 years learning he was a nobody; and 40 years learning what God can do with a nobody.
- Dwight L. Moody
After reading this quote, I decided that I am in my “Nobody Era”. I’m just hoping that, unlike Moses, my “Nobody Era” won’t last 40 years.
For most of my life, I thought I was a somebody. I was proud of my moral living. Proud of my desire to do the right thing. Proud of my ability to study and teach God’s Word. Proud of my ability to write and speak about Jesus. Proud of the friend and mentor I was to other people. Proud of the time and attention I was giving to discipling my young boys and serving my family.
I couldn’t wait to see what God was going to do through me and all the wonderful gifts he had given me.
I couldn’t wait to show the world that I really was somebody.
But then I was robbed.
Chronic illness swooped in like a thief in the night and took from me all the things I was proudest of, the things in which I found my identity, my somebody-ness.
I lost my ability to study and teach the Bible. I lost my ability to even read the Bible at all. I lost my ability to write, speak, or even think clearly about the things of God. I lost my ability to meet with other women or to even send a friendly text. I lost my ability to be a good friend. I lost my ability to care for my husband and my children. I even lost the ability to be around my husband and children for more than a few minutes at a time.
I had become a nobody.
But because God is good and because God loves me, I also lost some things I was very happy to give up.
I lost the illusion that I had any real control over my life or the lives of the people I love.
I gained a deeper trust in God’s perfect sovereignty over my life and the unspeakable peace that comes with that trust.
I lost my prideful belief that I could accomplish any good through my own power and resolve.
I gained a greater awareness of my dependence on God to accomplish anything of merit. Whether it’s teaching the Bible to a group of women or simply remembering to brush my teeth every day — I am dependent on God’s grace for all of it.
I lost my ability and desire to work without rest.
I gained the welcome knowledge that God does not need me to keep the world, or even just my world, going. I am not infinite and God does not need me to be. He desires for me to live within the pleasant boundaries he has given me. He desires for me to rest.
I lost the belief that I must accomplish good works in order to somehow maintain my salvation and prove my worth to God and to myself.
I gained the peace and contentment that come with knowing that my faith and my worth are secure not because of my “good works” but because of the finished, perfect work of Christ.
I lost myself.
I gained more of God.
I am slowly, but surely, being emptied of all the things that made me feel like a somebody.
Now, as I begin to heal from illness, some of the former losses are being returned. I’m studying and teaching the Bible again. I’m starting to reconnect with friends I lost touch with. I’m spending more time with my family and am enjoying teaching them the things of God.
But instead of seeing these good things as the pillars that make me a somebody, I’m receiving them as the good and precious gifts of grace that they are with thankfulness and humility.
I am embracing life as a nobody.
And I could not be more grateful.
For I know that my Redeemer lives, and at the last he will stand upon the earth.
And after my skin has been thus destroyed, yet in my flesh I shall see God
~ Job 19:25-26
This past month I launched an Etsy store! I will be creating and selling digital products to help others grow in their confidence and ability to behold God through his Word. I don’t have a lot of resources in stock yet, but I’ve got a bunch of things in the works, so keep checking back! You can visit my Etsy Store here!
I’ve become increasingly aware that the idea of studying the Bible on your own can be an overwhelming prospect. But overwhelming doesn’t mean impossible. I firmly believe that God has called each of us individually to know and love him with our hearts and our minds. This takes hard work, but we’ve been empowered and equipped to do hard things!
If I can take some of the intimidation out of the process by creating digital products that provide you with the support you need to start studying the Bible on your own, then it is my privilege to do so!
I’m still working hard on creating products for the shop, but if you decide to check it out and purchase something, subscribers to my substack can get 25% off one product in the shop by using the coupon code: SUBSTACK25
This coupon code is good until the end of March. Thanks so much for your support!
The true and lovely things I’ve enjoyed this past month (none of these are affiliate links):
Note - Inclusion on this list does not equal a full endorsement. I read and listen widely. Please use wisdom and discernment when deciding which things to try out for yourself.
Books:
Raising Emotionally Strong Boys by David Thomas - a good resource for anyone raising a boy!
Never Cast Out by Jasmine Holmes - I’ve read almost everything Jasmine has written. This book is about how the gospel speaks hope into our feelings of shame. Highly recommend!
Enola Holmes Series by Nancy Springer - I recently had surgery and needed something light and entertaining to pass the time in recovery. This YA mystery series has hit the spot!
Music I’ve loved:
Rahab’s Lullaby by the Faithful Project
O Rock Eternal by Erik Nieder
My All in Thee by Young Oceans, Ellie Holcomb
Podcasts and Articles:
Gen Z’s Questions About Christianity: The Bible’s Authority - A question about the composition and reliability of the Bible came up in our Women of the Word Study. In this 20-minute podcast, Michael Kruger gives a thorough but succinct answer to these crucial questions.
Atomic Habits and Bible Intake: How Tiny Changes Add Up by Blake Glosson - Excellent advice on building a Bible-reading habit (or any habit for that matter) that will last.
Other Things I’ve Enjoyed:
All Creatures Great and Small on PBS Masterpiece - although the series differs from the books (which I also love), this show is absolutely wonderful in its own way. This lovely, feel-good show is well worth the investment in a PBS Passport!
Wonka - This movie was so wholesome and fun, especially for anyone who loves a good family-oriented musical!
These really pretty clipboards - add some spring-time whimsy to your paperwork!
Winnie the Pooh Audio Book - I’ve always loved the Disney version of Winnie-the-Pooh, but I’d never read the original stories until I started listening to them with my boys, and now I’m an even bigger fan of that silly old bear! A great listen for the whole family!
Praying that God will bless you as you find your “somebody-ness” at the cross and empty tomb of Christ this Easter season!
Don’t forget! The Password to my library of Free Bible Study Printables is: TWOEDGEDSWORD