I was rather naive before I became a mother.
I so desperately wanted to be one of those moms who wouldn’t yearn for a break from their children (do those moms even exist?). I wanted to find nothing but joy in raising my son and never wanted to be so worn out that I would have a countdown until bedtime or relish those 5 minutes alone in the bathroom or hand my son over to his father as soon as he came in the door from work.
I wanted to be such a joy-filled, self-reliant, happily-situated mom that I would never yearn for a break from my job as a stay-at-home parent.
Reality bites sometimes.
There is no doubt that I am a joy-filled, happily-situated stay-at-home mom, but I am also a weary mom. The weekends run the same as weekdays, the work hours are 24/7, and there aren’t any lunch breaks or prep periods like there were in my teaching job. I don’t hand my child over to another caregiver at the end of the day and go home to enjoy some me-time. I am the permanent, on-call caregiver. The reality is I HAVE had mental countdowns to bedtime, I HAVE gone to the bathroom for 5 minutes of alone time, and I HAVE handed my son over to my husband as soon as he walked in the door from work.
None of these things necessarily make me a bad mom, but it certainly reminds me that I am a human mom!
I no longer think that respites from the duties of motherhood are simply important to mothering well, I find them absolutely necessary. I have learned, the hard way at times, that I simply cannot run on empty. I need periods of rest and rejuvenation in order to jump back into the hard and holy task of raising, nurturing, and discipling my son.
There are two issues that often get in the way of me finding these times of rest and rejuvenation. They are: finding the time to rest AND using that rest time wisely to rejuvenate rather than escape. I am going to address these two issues in reverse order.
Rest and Rejuvenate, Don’t Escape
So often I crave time to myself and then end up squandering it, rather than truly resting and finding the nourishment I need to keep carrying on as a mother. I confess that sometimes, when bedtime or nap-time rolls around, I spend my time watching mindless television or flipping through social media feeds on my phone. I tell myself that I’m resting and winding down from the day. And in the moment, all the stress and anxiety from the day seem to melt away as I distract myself with meaningless information and entertainment.
But the truth is, I never walk away from these times feeling as though I’ve spent my time well. I never feel refreshed and ready to tackle another day. As soon as I click off the television or put down my phone, all the anxiety and stress I had been facing comes flooding back into my mind. This kind of “resting” does very little to prepare me for the arduous tasks of motherhood. What I had done, although quiet and relaxing, wasn’t true rest but rather escape. I (successfully) escaped reality for a while, but when I had to face reality again, my time of escape did nothing to help me.
I don’t wish to condemn watching the occasional television show or staying in touch with friends through social media. These things can be good when used properly and at the right times. One of my favorite things to do with my husband is to watch a fun tv series together on Netflix. This time can be purposeful and even restful. But when used repeatedly in place of true rest these things cannot afford us the strength, determination, and forgiveness we need to thrive as mothers.
There is only one place to turn for true rest:
Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light (Matthew 11:28-30)
When Time is Lacking
It isn’t always easy to find time for true rest. I am very blessed to have a husband who works only during school hours and comes home in the late afternoon every day. While I don’t always hand off the baby to him right when he walks through the door, he’s usually pretty good about giving me a few moments to myself. This isn’t always the case however. Basketball season, ministry meetings, church commitments, and other good responsibilities can make some evenings very long and drawn out with little time for quiet solitude. I also have friends whose husbands work long hours and don’t make it home some evenings. Or perhaps you’re a working mom and have trouble finding time for rest between work time and family time. Finding time to rejuvenate can be difficult!
But it is necessary and there are ways we can squeeze in refreshing reminders of the truth of the gospel throughout the day without spending hours by ourselves. What if we picked up our Bibles for every time we picked up our phones? Just think of the encouragement we would receive! Here are some suggestions for finding moments of rest:
- Get up early! I know this one is hard! If you just can’t get yourself up an hour before the kids get up, try 5 minutes. 5 minutes of rest, alone with God in the morning can set your mind and heart on the right path for the day. If you want to try to work up to an hour, do it in slow increments until getting up early becomes a habit.
- Utilize Nap Time Have young ones that still nap? Every once in a while consider putting down the dishes, letting the emails wait, setting aside the laundry during nap time and spend the time resting yourself. Rest period should be a restful time for everyone! Spend some time listening to some uplifting music while you lie on the bed with your eyes closed. Grab the baby monitor and sip some tea out on the porch and marvel at God’s creation. Or make a phone call to a Christian friend to mutually encourage and build each other up.
- Develop an Evening Bedtime Routine You know how our kids thrive with their bedtime routines? Routines can work for us too! Take a relaxing bath or shower, climb into bed and read your favorite devotional before lights out. Turn off all electronics an hour before bedtime and spend the time catching up with your husband. Journal all your anxieties and stresses in a prayer to the Lord before falling asleep and resolve to leave them in the Lord’s hands.
- Make the Most of Commute Time Whether you regularly commute to work or spend lots of time driving kids to extracurricular activities, car time forces you to sit and be still even if only for a short while. If you’re alone in the car, make car time prayer time or listen to a sermon. If you have kids with you, make car time praise time by listening to some favorite Christians hymns or worship songs and singing them as a prayer to God (I highly recommend Keith and Kristyn Getty and their Children’s Hymns Cd ). If the car ride is longer than 20 minutes, treat the kids by playing the radio program Adventures in Odyssey. The messages are great for both adults and children.
- Leave Your Phone Outside the Bathroom You know those precious 5 minutes of alone time in the bathroom? Make the most of them. Intentionally leave your phone outside the bathroom. Place a book or post some Bible verses to meditate on in the bathroom if you are in need of something to look at. Or just sit and enjoy some solitude without feeling the need to escape into the world of your phone.
- Post Scripture Around the House If you’re having trouble finding solid, concentrated time to focus on God’s Word, make the most of the time you do have. Put up Scripture verses that you want to meditate on or memorize in places where you’ll know you’ll have a few minutes to focus on them. Put them in the kitchen while you’re waiting for the water to boil. Post some on the cabinets in the laundry room while you’re matching clean socks. Make a Bible verse the lock page on your phone or computer so you’re forced to look at it before you jump on the internet. Institute a weekly craft project where your kids copy out and decorate different Bible verses to post around the house for both you and them to look at and remember God’s goodness. If you’re having trouble focusing on His Word, then make His Word impossible to ignore!
- Join a Group Whether you join a weekly Bible Study, or Sunday School class, an exercise class, or mom’s group, finding time to fellowship with others, while your children are being taken care of elsewhere, is important. It’s also a really great way to rest and rejuvenate.
- Sleep God designed our bodies to need periods of undisturbed repose. Sometimes the best way we can rest is to sleep when our children sleep! This is nothing to feel guilty about, but rather a way for you to be your best when it’s time to wake up.
In addition to these things, it’s important to work in some regular, extended time to rest and rejuvenate. Ask grandma or grandpa to take the kids for an afternoon, trade babysitting duties with a fellow mommy, or set aside some money to pay for a babysitter every once in a while (call it “Mommy’s Mental Health Fund”). Be intentional about using this time to rest in Jesus and remind yourself of His love for you. He knows your weariness and your every tired need and can provide you with the peace and rest you crave so you can continue the good work He has prepared for you to do.